Feeling
I mostly took Intro to Poetry in college because it was one of the last creative writing classes that was left available for me to take, and it was a chance for me to try something new since I’ve never truly focused on writing poetry in the past. While I still don’t consider poetry my strong suite and I don’t see it as something I really want to pursue more in the future, I did genuinely enjoy taking the class and learning how to write different forms of poetry. I have always found writing poems as a great way to translate emotions from mind to paper. For this assignment, we were asked to write a longer poem and I was able to base it off the contrasting emotions of pain and happiness. By using this form of poetry, I was able to not only describe how the two emotions are different, but also how they relate to each other, and I consider it one of my favorite poems I’ve written to this day.
Pain.
What is pain, exactly?
It can be an assortment of little things,
One after another that hurts her feelings.
Or it's one large event,
Cutting deep into her core,
Making it hard to breathe,
Hard to think.
It can last a long time,
Or a short time.
It might always be there,
Creeping up when she least expects it.
It's in the back of her mind,
Shouting and demanding
To be let out;
To be free.
And then it's there,
In the front of her mind.
It won't go away,
Not wanting to be left alone.
Overthinking becomes a past time,
Blaming herself becomes a hobby.
She feels alone, scared,
Because no one cares.
Why does it matter?
Why does living matter?
Who would want to live life
Hurting this badly?
It's excruciating,
It's heartbreaking,
It's tiresome,
It's painful.
Thoughts swarm in her head,
Unable to break free
Because no one is listening.
No one ever listens.
Not that she's tried,
But she just knows
That no one is there.
That no one will hear her.
Because who would?
They have their own pain –
Their own battles.
What makes her special?
What makes her special?
Why do the thoughts in her head
Try to convince her
That she is?
It's selfish and pathetic because
Who would honestly listen
To the girl that cries
When she's upset?
She tries to speak her mind,
But opening her mouth
Just makes things worse.
It's better if she's silent.
She ruins everything,
Breaking apart each piece
Of the life she calls her own.
Closing herself off to the world.
Because in the end,
She knows it doesn't matter.
It never does.
And it never will
***
Happiness.
What is happiness?
Once again, an assortment of little things,
One after another that lifts her spirits.
Or, again, one large event,
Stripping away anything negative,
Making it easy to relax,
Easy to smile.
It's her being stress-free,
Allowing her to do as she pleases.
It's ignoring the pain
In the back of her mind.
It's stopping her
Train of overthinking,
Even if it's only for a moment;
It never lasts long.
But it's long enough.
Long enough for her to open her eyes,
To see the beauty the world
Has to offer her.
It's long enough for her
To laugh,
To feel joy,
To be free.
Being free is all she wants.
Nothing less, nothing more.
Free from her thoughts,
From the prison that is her mind.
Her mind.
It's her very being but it's
A place that she doesn't even understand,
Though it belongs to her.
Nothing helps,
Nothing remedies.
It's an open abyss,
A black hole.
It feels like a game most days.
What will she feel today?
Pain?
Or Happiness?
Or will she simply not feel?
She hates not feeling.
She'd rather be in the worst pain,
Or experience the greatest happiness.
Not feeling is simply...
Not knowing.
Not knowing what to think,
Not knowing how to focus.
And that,
She has decided,
Is simply the worst feeling
She'll ever feel.