Stop
This poem popped up in my Facebook Memories today and was written back in 2018. During my time in college, I unfortunately experienced the loss of many family members and friends. Most of the deaths in my life have been completely unexpected, leaving me to really learn and explore how I handle grief and the rollercoaster of emotions that come along with it. This poem would have been written during the time I lost a cousin of mine in a car accident, and it really tore me down as it had been my sixth or seventh loss (I can’t quite remember) during my time in college (I was in my fourth year at this point). I had what I thought was a close friend at this time also turn her back on me and was pretty much told to “get over it” and “everyone experiences death”. Which, of course, did not help and I was forced to also experience the loss of a friendship. While this poem is sad in nature and truly encapsulates how I was feeling at the time, it reminds me that writing has always been a safe outlet for me. Whether it’s through poetry or through fiction or even just journaling - putting my pen to paper (or in this case, fingers to keyboard), I’m able to better process my emotions and capture my true feelings in that moment. And again, while sad, it gives me comfort knowing was I able to document such a time in my life. I’m grateful as I have not had as much death in my life in recent years, but when the time does come, I know exactly what I need to help get myself through it.
you leave me breathless.
not in the "i'm so in love with you"
kind of way... but in the painful way.
in the way that feels like
someone has taken a hammer to
my chest, shattering my heart.
in the way where i physically
gasp for air as if my lungs
have been torn from my body.
i'm tired of seeing you
and hearing your name.
just when i forget
you come back like
you were never gone.
in a short amount of time
i've said many goodbyes.
when does it end?
i like to think you've made
me stronger, but the pain
you leave deeply wounds me.
just... please stop.
no more goodbyes
and no more tears.
just please stop and go away.
