I Don’t Want To

I think this poem stemmed from at least two separate relationships I had in college - both of which clearly did not work out and honestly for the best. I feel like it’s fairly common for people to find themselves stuck in a cycle of wanting to be with someone who isn’t good for them purely because they see some kind of future with them. And while sometimes it can be hard to forgive someone for any kind of emotional turmoil they put you in, I do think (under certain circumstances, at least for my own personal well-being) it’s important to let go of it. I don’t think forgiveness always has to end in reconciliation, but it can make one feel lighter almost.

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I forgive you.

Not because I want to,

But because I need to.

I need to forgive for all

the times you stole my sleep,

Anxiety asking if I was really good enough.

I need to forgive for all

the tears I spilled over you,

The want to understand consuming me.

I need to forgive for all

the times I thought you really cared.

I was oblivious to all ulterior motives.

I need to forgive for all

the late nights I spent wondering

Why we could never work.

I need to forgive for all 

the times you lied to me,

Your words had been a comfort to my ears.

I need to forgive for all

the times I shouldn’t have forgiven you,

The fear of being alone a constant in my mind.

I need to forgive so that

I can finally move on,

Your final grasp on me finally letting go.